Unfortunately, it is part of the human condition to experience an unkind remark; an attack on physical appearance or ability; a hypocritical judgment. People can be cruel to each other with their words and their actions. And they can do these things for no apparent reason. As Don Miguel Ruiz advises us in his book, The Four Agreements, “Don’t take anything personally”! It’s not about you! Any statement, action or reaction of another human being is not about you or anything you may have done. When you can separate yourself from the opinions and actions of other people, you can reduce your personal angst and suffering. Those opinions and actions are all about that other human being’s life experience.
Remember, each one of us is the sum total of what we have experienced in our life. We are successfully fulfilling our life script based on our beliefs. What we perceive and therefore, know to be true, is based on our individual beliefs. Each one of us is living our life based on our own truth. We only know what we have been told by others and what we have experienced by ourselves. We have a limited perspective and consequently, we have a limited understanding.
Most people you meet will say and do whatever they do based on their own beliefs about the way things are. Each one of us has our own set of fears and beliefs. We have reached a conclusion about life based on our own attempts to survive. We develop coping mechanisms to get us through. We seek to numb ourselves to our feelings by turning to food, drugs, alcohol, sex and gambling. We look outside of ourselves to lay blame for our anger and frustration. We suffer.
Most of another’s bad attitudes, defenses and fearful behavior has nothing to do with you. Even when that bad attitude may appear to be aimed directly at you! The behavior has more to do with a past event when the person experienced a similar situation. The reaction is about all the other times. Especially the first time. We react in the now moment based on our past programming…right or wrong. We perceive only what we believe.
When you can recognize that nothing is personal, you are able to get over it. You don’t feel abused or mistreated. You move on since you know the reaction is not about you; it is not about what is happening now. Their reaction is based on their past suffering. Do not be offended! Take the opportunity to extend kindness and compassion.
Another’s actions may cause you pain. You may feel frustrated or disappointed. You may know anger or betrayal. Know that your worth is not determined by what anyone else says or does or believes. Take those things less seriously. Focus on your own truth; the integrity of who you are. When you live your life as your authentic self, other’s opinions and behaviors do not hinder your happiness or your success. There is no need to suffer when you are living authentically. There is no need to care about other’s opinions of what you do and who you are. It doesn’t matter what they think or do. Instead, care about what you think of what you are doing. Be the best you. Tranquility will replace suffering.