Feb 08 2016

Self-Acceptance Feels Sexy

Category: SexualityPatricia @ 9:43 am

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Do you love and accept yourself? Some may answer with a resounding “yes!”, while others may hesitate. Maybe you could agree that you love yourself, but perhaps you’re not in agreement with the acceptance part. That one is a little more difficult for most of us. We think we could be better. Smarter. More attractive. Maybe you make some judgments about your physical appearance. You don’t like your weight or the condition of your body. Your legs are too short. Your belly is too fat. You’ve always been self-conscious about your nose. Maybe you’re just old. Or you judge your financial status, your career or something else that doesn’t measure up to your beliefs about who you “should” be.

We judge ourselves based on the images and information we receive from our family and our society. We are all programmed to be who we are. We decide how we measure up to others. We give ourselves a rating from 0 to 10. We determine if we are worthy enough to find a mate. Or to even get a date! We are reminded of it every year around Valentine’s Day. Do you realize that 80% of finding someone comes down to being your most attractive self? This means that if you are being the best you by taking care of yourself, being well-nourished and growing in your life, you will radiate joy. Being joyful is very attractive! The remaining 20% is simply putting yourself in places where you can meet the right people.

Our society encourages us to judge and compare ourselves to the overt sexual messages around us. Reality shows have been created where multiple contestants vie for the attention of one member of the opposite sex. You know the ones I’m referring to. Judgment and competition is encouraged. And rewarded. Sexual images abound on TV and in movies. Even puppets/Muppets are sex symbols. The Kardashian family has created an empire based on Kim’s sex tape. Sex is rampant in our society. Unfortunately, intimacy is not. We like to watch others and make judgments. We like to judge sexuality. We decide if someone is dressed “too sexy” or if they are “too fat” or “too thin” or “too young” or “too old” to even be considered sexy. If talking about our sexuality makes us anxious and fearful, how can we expect to be comfortable with enjoying it?

Sexuality can be a part of us where our acceptance of our self is a bit fuzzy. Lines are blurred. We have been programmed by many different images and stories. We have developed desires. What we learned at home or at our place of worship may conflict with the media images which fill our world. Your subconscious mind is in control of your fears and inhibitions. Your thoughts are reinforcing your beliefs which are creating your perceived limitations. Your past programming is responsible for your present pleasure. What excites you (or doesn’t); how you get excited (or fail to be aroused); who excites you and why, are all pieces of the puzzle.

In my practice of helping others to achieve health and well-being, I focus on encouraging and building self-love and self-acceptance. Self-confidence is a wonderful side effect of love and acceptance. Through the power of the subconscious mind, you can align with a new and improved version of your self. You can learn to let go of false beliefs. You can learn to love and accept all aspects of your magnificent self. That’s when true “sexy” happens! Are you ready to embark on a journey of discovery to find increased intimacy and pleasure? All you need to do is give yourself permission.


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Oct 21 2015

Pleasure Yourself … Make the World a Better Place!

Category: SexualityPatricia @ 4:43 pm



Have you ever experienced some form of pleasure that literally made you moan and cry out…“Oh God!”? Okay, so there may have been a time when chocolate was involved… but more than likely the moment that came to mind was a sexual moment… a moment of physical ecstasy. Just thinking about it feels good, doesn’t it? Try as I might, I can not recall any sensation that compares with the wonder and the glory of the physical pleasure of orgasm.

Sex is a gift. An incredible gift to be savored, appreciated and shared often. It’s like a reward. A special bonus we receive for putting up with all the unpleasant physical things we may experience. We endure the pain of headaches, backaches and fibromyalgia. We cope with runny noses, stuffy noses and bloody noses. We leak, we drip, and we drool. As women, we get the added joy of PMS, menstruation, childbirth and menopause. We tolerate frequent urination, constipation and irritable bowel syndrome. Of course we’re irritable! We often have to deal with all manner of physical challenges in our daily lives. And we need a break.

I think the Grand Master of the Universe decided there should be some compensation for living with all our leaky, messy parts… so orgasmic pleasure was thrown into the mix of fluids and goo. In the excitement of it all, we share sweat and spit. Gushing stuff flows from our bodies. Although clean-up may be a bit of a chore, I don’t mind a little wet spot. I think it’s worth it, don’t you?

Our impulse for pleasure is never wrong. Pleasure is the way the body expresses well-being. We find pleasure by satisfying our senses in many ways. We enjoy the bounty of nature: the vibrant colors; the majestic beauty; the serenity. We are inspired and delighted by the emotional expression of art and music and create joy in the process of creating and appreciating it. We take pleasure in the flavors and textures of our favorite foods: sweet, savory, smooth, creamy, crisp and crunchy. We relish finger-licking, lip-smacking, melt-in-your mouth yummy. And we like to share.

Each of us finds pleasure in their own unique way, but I think it’s likely that most of us will agree that we find pleasure when we experience sex. Orgasmic pleasure transcends all others. It’s pretty special. It is mind-altering, knee-wobbling, breath-gasping joy made even more delicious because it is communion.

I read where researchers have proven that orgasm occurs in the mind as well as in the body. Were you aware that when orgasmic energy is created in the two hemispheres of the higher brain… it results in an altered state of consciousness? Physical bliss may actually create connection with the Divine. Maybe that’s why we cry out “Oh God!”

As physical beings, we are biologically programmed to pursue and receive sensual pleasure. We think sexy thoughts and our bodies respond with a flood of hormones.   Equipped with sensitive buttons, gearshift knobs and zones of delight, we are perfect machines built for pleasure. And pleasure continues to get better when we are comfortable with the operating system. In fact, you can actually pleasure yourself to a state of better health and well-being. Did you know that if you have 200 orgasms a year, you can reduce your physiological age by six years? How about that! Sex will not only put a smile on your face, it will give you a face-lift! Better than Botox!

Sex rewards us with a feeling of well-being in our body. We are filled with endorphins, our pleasure hormones. We feel really, really good! By delighting our senses, we are connected to joy and happiness. By experiencing bliss, we are creating health.

Is it selfish or hedonistic to focus on the pleasures of the healthy, physical body? Perhaps not. Each one of us is responsible for creating our own life and our own vision of joy and happiness. We will receive exactly what we are thinking about. Whenever we are focusing on something, we are creating it. As we focus on that which brings us well-being… as we focus on love and pleasure… we are actively creating a positive force in the Universe.

I think the world needs more love and pleasure. I think we need to focus on the good things. And I think the world definitely needs more of the “Oh, God!” moments, don’t you? I plan to do my part to create more joy! How about you? What are you waiting for? Go indulge in a glorious act of creation. Go create bliss. Do it enthusiastically. Do it often. Come together. You’ll be happier. The world will be a better place.









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Feb 13 2013

Three Simple Rules to Happiness

Category: SexualityPatricia @ 9:43 am

 “Our first and last love is self love.” ~ Christian Nevell Bovee


            Loving yourself allows you to love others. It allows peace of mind and a sense of contentment. When you love yourself, you respect yourself; you respect your body and your life. Loving yourself allows you to love and connect with all of humanity.  You are more understanding of your limitations and more aware of your strengths.

            Accepting yourself as you are right now is empowering. This allows a sense of value and worth regardless of your size, age, weight or level of fitness; regardless of your job, your status, your level of education, your wealth. Accepting yourself allows you to celebrate the glorious and unique being that you are. It also helps you to be more accepting of others.

             Pleasuring yourself is an instinctive act. As human beings, our lives are based on a pain/pleasure reward system. We are programmed to seek out physical, sensual pleasure; whether thru food, sunshine or sex. Our desire for pleasure is a physical form of yearning for the divine.

            The more we experience pleasure, the more pleasure we can experience. Each time we experience pleasure, we literally create neural pathways which induce the pleasure response throughout our bodies. As we experience pleasure, within our brain we “click” our amygdala forward to the frontal lobes, which results in and reinforces more creative and imaginative thinking. Pleasure also produces the hormonal release of endorphins, creating a healthier body and a sense of well being.

           Each one of us must embrace the secret, private pleasures that feed our souls and enrich our lives. We must love ourselves enough to accept what gives us pleasure and actively seek it out.

           Follow these simple rules to happiness: Love Yourself. Accept Yourself. Pleasure Yourself.


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Oct 25 2012

Mindfulness Meditation Improves Sex

Category: SexualityPatricia @ 10:00 am


Are your thoughts affecting your pleasure? Do you feel anxious and frustrated? Are you getting in the way of your sexual satisfaction? A recent study published in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine shows that mindfulness meditation can not only improve sexual satisfaction and arousal but it can “increase self-compassion, decrease anxiety and improve attention” according to Gina Silverstein of Brown University.

Often self-judgmental thoughts run through a women’s mind when they are having sex. They criticize their body and their abilities as a lover. Dr. Elizabeth Kavaler, a urologist at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York, said anecdotal evidence is abundant. “The best part of this study is that it validates that the biggest part of sexuality in women is emotional and mental,” Kavaler said.

The Brown University study included 44 college students, 30 of whom were women, and about half of whom took a 12-week meditation course. All were shown a series of photos to gauge their reaction time in feeling “calm,” “excited” or “aroused.” The participants also completed questionnaires that reported aspects such as self-acceptance and psychological well-being.

It was noted that women who took the mindful meditation course became significantly faster at identifying their body’s responses to sexual stimuli. This increase in interoceptive awareness was also linked to improvements in self-reported measures of attention, self-judgment, anxiety and depression . The study found that women who took longer to register feelings of sexual arousal were also those who were harshest in their self-judgment.

As for mental chatter during sex, Silverstein said “a huge range” exists, from women who think of other things while having sex without effecting arousal, to others who are unable to function sexually if any stray thought comes to mind.

Mindfulness meditation which teaches how to bring one’s thoughts into the present moment, can quiet negative and distracting mental chatter. It can help one to focus on the experience with all senses fully engaged. Letting go of self-judgment is the first step. Choosing to think of your connection to your partner and the sensuality of touch brings you into the moment and allows you to experience the pleasure.

Rediscover the body as friend and companion and learn to experience healthy pleasure. Recognize that pleasure is the way the physical body expresses wellbeing and know that the body’s impulse for pleasure is never wrong. Our desire is a physical form of yearning for the divine connection of body, mind and spirit. It’s available to us if we allow it.

Sometimes we need a little help to get into balance and to get a clear focus on how we want to experience our life. Hypnotherapy is a form of directed mindful meditation which allows you to be present and focus on what you want. It would be my pleasure to help you to achieve comfort and contentment through the power of your own thoughts. It is our natural state to feel at home living in the incredible temple of the physical body. Be mindful of it!


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Oct 12 2010

Fountain of Youth

Category: SexualityPatricia @ 10:29 am

Having an active and satisfactory level of intimacy in your life contributes to your overall health and well-being. Having a healthy relationship with your sexuality is a function of your subconscious mind. If you are unsatisfied and would like to better express yourself, hypnotherapy, therapeutic imagery and mind-body energy techniques like Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) are very effective modalities to help.

To stay young and healthy, how often is sex recommended?

A.    Once a week

B.    Twice a week

C.    10 times a month

D.    200 or more times a year (about 4 x week)

Dr. Mehmet Oz, co-author of the “You” series health guides for body mind and soul and Oprah’s go-to health guy, states that if you have 200 orgasms a year, you can reduce your physiologic age by six years.

Dr. Michael Roizen, author of RealAge — Are You as Young as You Can Be?, states that “Having sex at least twice a week can make your RealAge 1.6 years younger than if you had sex only once a week.” He defines ‘real age’ as “an estimation of your age in biologic terms, not chronologic years.”

Roizen believes that sex keeps us younger because it “decreases stress, relaxes us, enhances intimacy, and helps … personal relationships.”

Although no study has yet proven a cause-and-effect relationship between good sex and longevity, there seems to be a beneficial system at work here — a sort of virtuous cycle of sex and health reinforcing one another.

One of the first long term studies of aging begun at Duke University in the ’50s and reported in the December 1982 journal Gerontologist found that the frequency of sexual intercourse (for men) and the enjoyment of sex (for women) predicted longevity.

A study done in Wales, and published in the December 1997 British Medical Journal under the title, “Sex and Death: Are They Related?” found over ten years of follow up, that men who reported at least two orgasms a week at the time of the study had less than half the risk of dying from various causes than those who reported a lower frequency of orgasm.

Other studies have found that sexual dissatisfaction was a predictor of the onset of cardiovascular disease. A study published in the November-December 1976 journal Psychosomatic Medicine compared 100 women with heart disease (acute myocardial infarction) with a control group and found sexual dissatisfaction among 65% of the coronary patients but only 24% of the controls.

In a long-term study published as Secrets of the Superyoung, Dr. David Weeks, of the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland, found that “the key ingredients for looking younger are staying active … and maintaining a good sex life.” In a study of 3,500 people, ages 30 to 101, Weeks found that “sex helps you look between four and seven years younger,” according to impartial ratings of the subjects’ photos. Dr. Weeks, a clinical neuropsychologist, attributed this to significant reductions in stress, greater contentment, and better sleep.

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Oct 05 2010

Pleasure Prescription for Better Health

Category: SexualityPatricia @ 9:16 am

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
~Swami X

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
~Woody Allen

Sex Reduces Pain

Immediately before orgasm, levels of the hormone oxytocin surge to five times their normal level. This releases an increase in endorphins, which alleviate the pain of everything from headache to arthritis to even migraines. In women, sex also prompts production of estrogen, which can reduce the pain of PMS. Just thinking about sex can help to reduce pain.

Sex Improves Intimacy

Speaking of oxytocin, this so-called “love” hormone helps us to bond, trust and build intimate relationships. Higher levels of oxytocin have also been linked to a feeling of generosity.

Sex Helps You Sleep Better

The release of oxytocin during orgasm promotes sleep. Getting enough sleep helps to maintain a healthy weight and blood pressure.

Sex Burns Calories and Keeps You Fit

Sex is a great way to exercise. A vigorous session may burn some 200 calories–about the same as running 15 minutes on a treadmill. 40 half-hour sessions could burn off more than enough calories to lose a pound. The pulse rate or an aroused person rises from about 70 beats per minute to 150, the same as that of an athlete at maximum effort. Muscular contractions during intercourse work the pelvis, thighs, buttocks, arms, neck and thorax.

Another fitness benefit of sex is that it can keep you in constant awareness of your body image. If you are continually being naked in front of another person, it’s a good incentive to stay in shape.

 Men’s Health magazine has gone so far as to call the bed the single greatest piece of exercise equipment ever invented.

Sex Boosts Immunity

Good sexual health could mean better physical health. Wilkes University in Pennsylvania says individuals who have sex once or twice a week show 30% higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA, which is known to boost the immune system, protecting you from colds and other infections.

Sex Relieves Stress

Biological Psychology reports that frequent intercourse was associated with lower diastolic blood pressure and overall stress reduction. A study of 24 women and 22 men noted that those who had intercourse had better responses to stressful situations than those who abstained from sex. They performed better at such tasks as speaking in public and doing verbal arithmetic.

Sex Improves Cardiovascular Health

Researchers in England recently published a study of 914 men who were followed for 20 years. They found that compared with those who had sex less than once a month, those having sex twice or more per week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack or stroke by 50%.

Sex makes for a Happier Prostate

Some urologists believe they see a relationship between infrequency of ejaculation and cancer of the prostate.

A study recently published by the British Journal of Urology International asserts that men in their 20s can reduce by a third their chance of getting prostate cancer by ejaculating more than five times a week. Another study, reported in the Journal of the American Medical Assn., found that frequent ejaculations, 21 or more per month, (252/year) were linked to lower prostate cancer.

Sex is a Beauty Treatment & Fountain of Youth

In a study at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland, a panel of judges guessed participant’s ages. Those who looked seven to 12 years younger than their age were also enjoying sex at least four times a week, on average.

Sex raises a woman’s estrogen level, which helps make hair shiny and skin supple.

Sex also boosts production of testosterone, which leads to stronger bones and muscles.

Having at least two orgasms a week can increase your life span. Every time you orgasm, the hormone DHEA (Dehydroepiandrosterone) increases in response to sexual excitement. DHEA can boost your immune system, repair tissue, improve cognition, and even work as an antidepressant.

Sex helps your sense of smell. After sex, production of the hormone prolactin surges. This in turn causes stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons in the brain’s olfactory bulb, its smell center.

Sex gives you better bladder control. Pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegels offer the benefit of minimizing the risk of incontinence. Strong muscles increase the intensity of orgasms.

Sex Improves Your Teeth (special delivery system for women). Seminal plasma contains zinc, calcium and other minerals shown to retard tooth decay. It could be a far more satisfying experience than squeezing a tube of Tartar Control Crest. Researchers have noted that etiquette usually demands the brushing of one’s teeth before and/or after intimacy, which helps promote better oral hygiene.”

Sex can enhance your sense of spirituality.

Many ancient traditions and cultures view sexuality as something sacred and spiritual. Sexual energy is unlike any other.  When we merge with this power during orgasm, we are connecting to our non-physical aspects. Why do you think we cry out, “Oh God!”? According to the Taoists, since we are conceived through orgasm and orgasmic energy permeates every cell of our body, we need to feel this orgasmic energy regularly – ideally every day – to stay healthy.

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Oct 29 2009

Enhance & Improve Sexuality

Category: Hypnotherapy,SexualityPatricia @ 11:32 am

Anna Freud wrote that “sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are.”

There is a difference between the act of sex and the individual experience of our sexuality. Sexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. Hypnotherapy, imagery and meridian tapping are very effective methods to help with problems of intimacy and sexuality.

Gender Identity

Hypnosis helps people with questions and problems about their gender identity. It allows them to explore and investigate their doubts and to experience what it would be like to be of the other gender. If the decision to have sex-change surgery has been made, hypnosis helps with motivation, being prepared for the surgical ordeal, to control pain and to adapt more fully to the new life.

Sexual Orientation

Hypnotic techniques help the person to accept what cannot be changed and adjust constructively to that situation.

Sexual Preference

In adolescence, we are faced with our sexual preferences, the “things” (activities, sights, scents, etc.) that arouse us and lead to our sexual satisfaction. These “things” include specific parts of the human anatomy and/or body type; physical sensations (including pain); emotional situations (such as fighting and make-up sex); activities and behaviors; scents, sounds, tastes, objects, places, and more.

Sexual preferences are always highly subjective and often culturally determined. Because the person with atypical sexual behavior, like most everybody else, usually imagines beforehand what is going to happen, hypnotic methods work well to help the person be more comfortable with their sexuality or let go of negative behaviors.

Sexual Response

Different from sexual preference, sexual response focuses on what is normally expected, both physiologically and psychologically, when the person has no medical conditions and enjoys good health. There are five progressive stages in human sexual response: Desire, arousal, foreplay, orgasm, and cognitive processing.

The use of visualization or mental rehearsal has shown to be more effective than cognitive therapy. Using visualization techniques, it is possible to substitute and “correct” the negative images that may keep a person in a cycle of unfulfilling or damaging behavior.

People with low libido are better served by proceeding slowly, from sensuality to sex. The person is invited to imagine any physical contact that might be acceptable, or even appealing. Once this is identified, mental rehearsal is centered on it.

Entering into the sexual fantasy as if it were real is helpful for those with an inability to create positive sexual images. This inability could be due to very painful sexual encounters in the past, including sexual abuse or trauma.

Most sexual arousal problems are the result of anxiety and tension, so it’s easy to accept the value of hypnotic relaxation. The imagery is not necessarily sexual at first, but helps the person to have a clear experience of natural relaxation. Then, once they are able to control their anxiety about sexual performance, other feelings that produce stress such as fear of intimacy, anger or guilt can be addressed.

Problems in foreplay often indicate both ignorance and poor sex education, or boredom, lack of emotional excitement, or distracting thoughts unrelated to the sexual situation.

To improve problems in sexual foreplay, the person is helped to have a vivid and detailed mental experience involving all the inner senses, so it is imagined as if it were real and happening right now. After repeated visualization, it becomes so natural that it is expected to happen the way it has been imagined.

Sexual climax or orgasm is the healthy, normal, inevitable, outcome. The inability to reach this physiological conclusion may be due to unresolved problems in the relationship. It may be due to a lack of self-esteem or confidence. Personal beliefs and limitations affect our ability to experience pleasure. All of these problems can be addressed with the use of hypnosis, imagery and meridian therapy.

After sex, we process. The mental activity going on during sex and, especially after it is finished, is very rich. It consists of both mental images and statements,  subconscious memories and programming.  Hypnotherapy can help the person to focus more on positive aspects of the sexual situation and let go of any negativism related to the experience.

Sexual Mores

 Our culture and historical moment allow or forbid, encourage, or discourage sexual behavior. The expectations and rules are established by the economic, political, ethnic, family, social, and religious values and roles. Sexual role rebellion can be expressed in nonconformity in dress, make-up or customs. Those uncomfortable with their rebellion can be helped through learning to accept themselves.

Choose your thoughts. Choose the good ones. And your body will respond.

Your body is your subconscious mind.

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