Three Thanksgivings have gone by since we last celebrated together.  Holidays are emotional triggers. Markers of moments. A timeline progression experienced year after year. Memories stored away to warm our hearts. The people and events of the past come alive when we reflect. And in that reflection, we may experience the pain of loss. We long for the way things were. In other languages, there are certain words that have no direct equivalents. They are untranslatable. One such word is “saudade”. It is a Portuguese and Galician word that can refer to a feeling of melancholy and nostalgia. It is a knowing and a sadness that this thing that you feel a longing for will never happen again.

We have all experienced the pain of losing a loved one. My life experiences have shown me that time truly does heal. It gives perspective. It allows for growth and insight. It dulls the pain; fills the loss. Death is a part of life. It’s a given. Even though each one is unique, we all get the full death experience. We KNOW this. But it doesn’t seem to matter. Doesn’t matter the circumstances of the death. Doesn’t matter the illness. Doesn’t matter where or when. Doesn’t matter how old. The death of a loved one always causes a shock to the system; a heart-stopping jolt. It hurts. At first it hurts more than you think you can bear. It’s with you every moment of your day, rising and subsiding, but always there. And then it doesn’t hurt anymore. It’s replaced by a feeling of love and understanding; an appreciation.

Holidays are upon us. Brace yourself for any “saudade” triggers. Instead of focusing on the loss or any other negative emotion such as guilt or fear….focus on the love. Allow yourself to feel that love in every cell of your body. It’s the best for everyone concerned, even those who have passed on. I think we can assume our loved ones do not want us to continue to suffer the loss of their physical presence. Remember…Love is eternal. Soul is eternal. Life is temporary.

Since I find the words of Henry Scott-Holland to be of comfort, I’d like to share his poem. May it remind you that All is Well.

 

Death Is Nothing At All   

Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.

Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.

All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!