February is the month when we celebrate Valentine’s Day, which makes one think of love and romance. Love is a whole lot more than romance. “Love” is a word that holds many meanings.
Sometimes we think we love someone but then come to realize that we were only attached to them. Attachment is not love. We become attached to the way things are. We like the routine and the familiarity of the relationship. We like to know that we have a date for Saturday night or Valentine’s Day. We may become attached to the way someone makes us feel. And we can become attached to experiencing those feelings. We enjoy the attention we receive. We want to feel wanted. We like to feel that we belong to someone. And that they belong to us. We are bonded together in a relationship.
When we are comfortable with things the way they are, we become attached to keeping them that way. And when situations change or people change, we suffer. Is this love or is it only attachment to our own needs?
What do you mean when you say, “I love you?” Robert Heinlein said, “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” Since the word “love” is difficult to define, let’s look at three Greek words which help us to understand its meaning. They are: Eros, Philia, and agape. Eros refers to the sensual, sexual expression of love. This is romantic love for your significant other. The word Philia means deep affection. This describes the love you might have for a close friend or a relative. The word agape means divine love or the love of God for man and of man for God. The expression of your agape is in giving. When your love for another transcends Eros and Philia, you come to a place of unconditional acceptance. You love not only “because of” but “despite”. This is love for one another as we love ourselves; brotherly love.
When we are suffering from a perceived lack of love in our lives and feel that our needs are not met, we look for the cause. Often we look outside of ourselves. We discover our attachments and create a sense of lack. Just as no one can make you happy, no one can make you suffer. It’s you. It’s always you. You and your perceptions about the way things are or the way things should be. You need to love yourself first and foremost.
I invite you to focus on loving yourself this February. Really loving and accepting yourself just as you are. Go for the agape! Love yourself because of all your gifts, skills and talents. And also love yourself despite your failures, bad habits and faults. Let go of negative attachments and false beliefs. John Lennon told us, “There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create.”
Before you go to sleep every night, relax and breathe deeply. Direct your attention to the heart area, and meditate upon words of love. Think loving thoughts. Recall loving experiences. Let go of attachments which cause suffering. Tell yourself, “I love and accept myself as I am.” This pleasant process can completely transform your health. You may also discover that a shift is taking place in every phase of your life. That is the lovely power of love and love never fails you.