Patricia Lynn Belkowitz, M.Msc., C.Ht., EFT

Heart

 

 

Friendships are vital to our well-being. We need our people. It has been said, A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words. But like all relationships…because people change, friendships change. Friendships require attention and commitment. And sometimes, one or both of you loses that connection. Growing apart doesn’t change the past. You have grown together and your hearts are tangled. Which is worse? When a good friend moves away? Or when you lose touch with a good friend who lives near you?

In the case of a friend moving away, you have no choice. You can’t stop by to visit or get together for lunch. You can’t plan on going dancing or taking a hike. Your options are limited. You have no choice about seeing that person face to face if they live somewhere else. They may be far across the world. You have no control over the situation. The friend has moved away because it was their choice. It is their life’s journey. You accept. You miss them but you wish them well. Together you plan on how you will visit; the ways you will communicate when you are no longer close in the physical world. The friend who moves away is not moving away from you. They are moving toward their own dreams and reality. Even though you will miss each other, you are able to wish each other well. You can laugh and cry and appreciate your time together. You can recognize your value to each other. Give a kiss or a hug. Say farewell. Until we meet again.

What about when your friend is close by? You may not have seen each other in a long time. Perhaps you haven’t even spoken. Maybe you wonder why or maybe you know why. But in this case, your options are unlimited. You have many choices. Distance is not an issue. Time is. You have many opportunities to plan to be together. Yet, you are losing touch. Are you too busy? Are you uncomfortable? Are you bored? Is it because the relationship doesn’t matter? What if it does matter? Scanning Facebook posts is not the same as being a friend in the real world. If the friendship matters, do not neglect it. Honor that heart connection. Consider your feelings if you were made aware that your friend had passed away before you made that call. It can happen. What if there were things left unsaid? What if you no longer had the opportunity to speak your heart? What if your choices were taken away?

When you reach out to someone you love, you reinforce the heart connection. Maybe the relationship doesn’t serve you anymore. Maybe you’re done with it and you’d like to “move away” from it. I suggest that you give yourself the opportunity to give the friendship a proper burial and the respect it deserves. Tell your friend that you are grateful for the memories you share. Thank them for being a part of your life. Wish them well and then send them on their way. Know that every relationship serves a purpose. Our friends help us to grow and become better. When we witness their life choices, we are able to understand experiences outside of our own self. Most of all, friends help us to learn a little more about love. Loving more is a priceless gift. When you honor the friendship and let it go with love and understanding, your heart connection remains.

When you speak from your heart, you also give your friend the opportunity to do the same. You may find that they may not want to let you go. They may want to reinforce that connection. You may want that too. You’ll find that when you speak your truth, you don’t lose friends… you learn who the real ones are. The Forever Friends. But for those friendships that are not meant to be forever… say good bye to your friendships when they have come to an end. When you say good bye, you are saying a contraction of “God be with you” (godbwye). You are in my heart. And all is well.